yesss, I cried at a commercial! I admit it. It happened!
Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yErjhWw9jgs
I realize some may be like, "What the heck are you crying about...it's a stinkin' JIF commercial". ha
Well, as most of you know or don't know..my real name is JoAnna. It's true. Close your mouth a breath! I know its a shock. Feelings of betrayal as I hide my true identity. haha.
Anyways, I think more and more as I deal with my Grandpa's death...feelings of loneliness and the desire for someone to really understand me become more and more clear. It's hard when you grow up your whole life having someone who gets you to your core. It's rare! And I truly know what a blessing it is...was. As I get older and its been 3 years now, all I want is that back! The look, the hand, the breaking me down, the push to cry, the understanding of the balance, the desire to be and do so much more, the sharing of something so deep...someone getting it when my words are all jumbled. I just want it back
Traveling is such a mix of love and hate. Love because I love seeing new things and exploring. Hate because my first flight was with my grandpa and whenever I was on a trip I would call him and share my experience or the history I was immersed in.
I feel like I usually only blog when I miss him more than ever. And today is one of those days.
I had a dream the other night (i don't dream that often) about him. And I just woke up crying because I couldn't get to him...I couldn't hug him...I couldn't fall in his arms and just cry and him tell me it is ok to have a weak moment and not have to be strong for so many.
Recently, I just have been dealing with a ton...actually facing the things I have pushed off cause I wasn't sure how to handle them, dealing with hurt and the feeling of being used by others, having people in my life I trust make me want to back away and guard myself, the desire to be known...not for what I do or who I know...but for me.
*boys who read this...no, it is not the time of the month...haha. It's me letting down...having an hour breakdown..if you will. Yes, an hour! Why the time limit...well, cause I don't have time to be like this.
Anyways, I just could use a conversation with my "Cupie"...just a hug...him to hold my hand...to let me cry on his shoulder...and then his talk to get me through it all...get up and be the person I know I am...for him to call me on my crap...and to get back in the game.
there it is...my first blog in a few months...and I just got my much needed cry out. sorry for the garbbled thoughts and emotions...and END SCENE! haha
Cheers to that. hahaha
*If I am MIA...please understand that I have to process some things that have happened recently and with that makes me pull in and guard myself. It's life...it happens...I will be up and going soon. I just need to "lick my wounds" and all will be fine. It's just at times like these that show me what I am missing so very much!
