this day holds so much for me...
#1 - 3 years ago taylor was born. I will forever remember that day. I got the call that Hallie was in labor. I jumped in my car and drove like a mad woman from Federal Way (WV headquarters) all the way up Everett in SNOW! Yea, I made it in 45 minutes....shhhhh! haha. I unfortunately was not there when Taylor was born...I had to work at the pier on the waterfront of Seattle...One Life Experience was open for the public on World Aids Day. Taylor is such a blessing in my life and I am so very thankful for one of the most amazing...if not THE MOST AMAZING NIECE in all of history. Side note, it was her friends bday party today...and I got to crash it after I worked at UO....she was out like a light after the merry-go-round ride...so cute!
#2...its World AIDS Day....and if you know me...this is very important in my life. One Life Revolution was a HUGE part of my life for 3 years....almost 3 years ago. And since the program is no longer...well, its bitter sweet. Thank God the OLE is up and in full effect...and well, thanks to my buddy Scott Erickson...the OLR artwork/translation can be seen on my neck :) I am very proud of that tattoo...as that is such a passion of mine that will always continue on. So make sure to do something today...and well always remember those impacted by AIDS. In so many countries...Africa...there are generational gaps because of the AIDS pandemic...children raising children...do something to help!
#3...I have a few friends that also have birthdays today...and for them I am grateful cause they are friends that I am so glad I have in my life and pray that our friendships continue to grow and more memories to be made...So Happy Birthday to Drew Holwerda and Janie Taylor....and as horrible as this sounds...I know I have more friends that have bday's today...so I suck and HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
nashville visit
I cannot wait til Wednesday! to jump on the plane and be on my way to nashville. Get there...head to the hotel and change...go to dinner with jody...then meet up with my girl Carrie and ring in her birthday!
Over the next few days, I will work my tail off, but I will be surrounded by people who love me, know me, care about me, all BS aside. Tic, Marko, Jody, Jim, Rich, Will, Kaylyn, Kendall...all my YS family. Then Megs is flying in to work Jedi and spend time with me. carrie is coming to spend her bday with me...work a bit and hang. i get to see my one of my besties in nashy - EMILY!!! I cannot wait!!! I mean seriously so many people that I love and cant see enough of...Missy, Alexis, Anne Marie, Mark, Aaron, Suzie, Keith, Lins, Sarah, Ellen, Ben, Brad, Bryan, Matt, Mike, Nick(s), ...I mean the list goes on and on.
I am almost so anxious to go...for an escape and refresh that I am having a hard time sleeping. haha
I know there are gonna be tears shed, laughter to the point of pain, deep convos and challenges posed to me that I need, other thoughts and opinions, and lots and lots of love!
then after this amazing trip I will make it back home the night before Thanksgiving to my parents (get off the plane at 9, go to my place and grab my dog then drive to the 'rents) to spend 2 solid days with my family. The next day to work at urban from 9-5...then to spend the rest of the night and into the weeeee hours of the morning with another bestie back in town, Apple!!!
So to just get through the next few days...get things all set for JC's release week...and be prepared to work 14 hour days and then bond with all my friends in nashy...as the little engine that could said "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...choochoo choochoo" :)
Over the next few days, I will work my tail off, but I will be surrounded by people who love me, know me, care about me, all BS aside. Tic, Marko, Jody, Jim, Rich, Will, Kaylyn, Kendall...all my YS family. Then Megs is flying in to work Jedi and spend time with me. carrie is coming to spend her bday with me...work a bit and hang. i get to see my one of my besties in nashy - EMILY!!! I cannot wait!!! I mean seriously so many people that I love and cant see enough of...Missy, Alexis, Anne Marie, Mark, Aaron, Suzie, Keith, Lins, Sarah, Ellen, Ben, Brad, Bryan, Matt, Mike, Nick(s), ...I mean the list goes on and on.
I am almost so anxious to go...for an escape and refresh that I am having a hard time sleeping. haha
I know there are gonna be tears shed, laughter to the point of pain, deep convos and challenges posed to me that I need, other thoughts and opinions, and lots and lots of love!
then after this amazing trip I will make it back home the night before Thanksgiving to my parents (get off the plane at 9, go to my place and grab my dog then drive to the 'rents) to spend 2 solid days with my family. The next day to work at urban from 9-5...then to spend the rest of the night and into the weeeee hours of the morning with another bestie back in town, Apple!!!
So to just get through the next few days...get things all set for JC's release week...and be prepared to work 14 hour days and then bond with all my friends in nashy...as the little engine that could said "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...choochoo choochoo" :)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Danny Kaye
So, if you don't know who Danny Kaye is....well...let me educate you! He is definitely one of my classic favorite actors. He was in the movie classic Hans Christian Anderson, Court Jester, On The Riviera (my fave), and many more!! I was raised on the classics....Cary Grant, Doris Day,etc....so I have a deep appreciation for them.
Anyways, I was bored and frustrated with al my music Friday and wanted a new Christmas album. So I went on itunes and looked through the "holiday" section (side note: X Christmas was #9 album :D ) and I found the Andrew Sisters Christmas Album....raised on them as well. Soooo I got it...was enjoying the classics and then the song "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"...and guess who was the guest vocalist?! Yup, Danny Kaye! LOVE IT...he is so goofy...I listened to it over and over and just smiled. I mean, I know not everyone will get it and think its fantastic, but it takes back. I sent it to my whole family to enjoy and they loved it. Just kinda made my day....just a simple little piece of goodness. :D
Anyways, there it is...and if you ever come across anything Danny Kaye please let me know....ESPECIALLY the movie "On The Riviera"....I cant find it anywhere :(
ok, back to drowning myself in work....hiding away in bauhaus with jess.
Anyways, I was bored and frustrated with al my music Friday and wanted a new Christmas album. So I went on itunes and looked through the "holiday" section (side note: X Christmas was #9 album :D ) and I found the Andrew Sisters Christmas Album....raised on them as well. Soooo I got it...was enjoying the classics and then the song "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"...and guess who was the guest vocalist?! Yup, Danny Kaye! LOVE IT...he is so goofy...I listened to it over and over and just smiled. I mean, I know not everyone will get it and think its fantastic, but it takes back. I sent it to my whole family to enjoy and they loved it. Just kinda made my day....just a simple little piece of goodness. :D
Anyways, there it is...and if you ever come across anything Danny Kaye please let me know....ESPECIALLY the movie "On The Riviera"....I cant find it anywhere :(
ok, back to drowning myself in work....hiding away in bauhaus with jess.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
wittle allie
ok, I know this is silly, but if you could only see how cute my dog is in the morning. she sleeps on my bed...down at my feet. There are mornings when she looks at me getting up and is like, "oh yea, you go ahead....I'm fine right here." Then there are mornings when she eagerly wants to get me up, but she knows I wont be happy if she gets me up before I am ready.
Well, this morning...I just did not want to get up! My alarm went off so many times and I just kept hitting snooze. By the time it was 7:35am...Allie was just waiting...knowing that I should have been up an hour ago...I could tell she was watching me. So, I moved just a little and then turned on my side away from her. She made her cute little noise and then came over and pounced on me...but almost like a hug...it was so cute. I just sat that as said to her "5 more minutes allie"...so she just laid there on my shoulder...ish hugging me. After the 5 minutes and my alarm going off again...she made her lil noise again and pawed at me to get me up...which I did. Got up, let her outside....put my hair in a ponytail....threw on some clothes...jumped in the car (which I know, I know...I shouldn't do my makeup while I drive, but I did)...off to work I went.
14 hours later...worked at urban too...I am now sitting in my bed - ish working, talking to micah dean, and well...lots going on in this head of mine. ha
anyways, that was my cute morning story...
Well, this morning...I just did not want to get up! My alarm went off so many times and I just kept hitting snooze. By the time it was 7:35am...Allie was just waiting...knowing that I should have been up an hour ago...I could tell she was watching me. So, I moved just a little and then turned on my side away from her. She made her cute little noise and then came over and pounced on me...but almost like a hug...it was so cute. I just sat that as said to her "5 more minutes allie"...so she just laid there on my shoulder...ish hugging me. After the 5 minutes and my alarm going off again...she made her lil noise again and pawed at me to get me up...which I did. Got up, let her outside....put my hair in a ponytail....threw on some clothes...jumped in the car (which I know, I know...I shouldn't do my makeup while I drive, but I did)...off to work I went.
14 hours later...worked at urban too...I am now sitting in my bed - ish working, talking to micah dean, and well...lots going on in this head of mine. ha
anyways, that was my cute morning story...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
treasures found in a wallet
so the other day my grandma called...the one that I am not close to...my dad's mom. Don't get me wrong, I do indeed love her, but I do not always like her. Long story, but there is love...so we will bypass all the other garbage.
Anyways, I talked to her this last saturday and in the mix of our very random and sporadic topics...she brings up my grandpa Chuck (he has been dead now for 3 yrs...passed away from a very long and heart wrecking battle with cancer). In talking about him, she brought up how she went through his wallet after he passed. She said, "you know annie, he only had 3 pictures in his wallet. A small one of us (the family), one of his mother, and then one of you and him. You were the only one he had a picture of...you two together at your last birthday before he died."
After she said this I felt shocked, awed, and my eyes started to fill with tears. I replied to her, "Grandma, why are you just now telling me this?" She went on to say something, but because I was in shock I didn't even hear what she said. I quickly made up an excuse to get off the phone so I could let go of my emotions.
I got home and just sat in my car and cried. I loved my grandpa very much! In my dad's immediate family he was the only one that I was close with.
Side note...my dad came from a very rough upbringing. Without saying too much, expression of love or saying I love you was not normal in his family. Growing up, my grandpa was very rough on us....I knew he loved me because I was his granddaughter, but it was such a polar opposite relationship of that which I have/had with my other Grandpa.
As, I got older I kinda pulled away from my dad's family...I couldn't take the hurt they caused me...not my grandpa, but then again he never stood up for me...and I got tired of my parents getting upset for me...it just wasn't worth family gatherings with them anymore. After college, I decided that I would start coming around again...slowing entering that world again.
Six years ago, when Grandpa Chuck and Grandma Lou called family dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory down in Tacoma to tell us all the news of Grandpa having cancer...that it was aggressive and he was gonna give it a good fight...I think it clicked in him to be more open with his feelings.
I'll never forget the first intense surgery he had...I went to go see him in the room before surgery and he said to me, "Annie, I am gonna fight this...I wanna see my only granddaughter get married." As much as that was so sweet of him to say and I know he wanted that...I think that will forever haunt me. At least he got to see Josh get married, I guess...and he knew that Hallie was pregnant with Taylor.
Through his long fight with cancer and all the drugs and chemo he was on...it definitely messed with his temperment and personality. It gave it a long hard fight, but in the end...the day we had to go to my grandparents house and get my grandfather ready and carry him down the stairs...getting him all settled in the car for their trip up to Whisler...I knew when he looked out the window...all bundled up...and waving goodbye...that was the last time I saw him alive. My dad, mom, and I all stood there and just cried. 2 days later, we got the call that he was in a coma and they were taking him in an ambulance down to Tacoma General Hospital. When I went to go see him in that state (it was a medically induced coma...he was pretty sedated!) it kinda hurt my heart. We sat with him the whole day and into the night. Holding his hands, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. You could tell he was still feeling the pain.
Awhile ago, I got the nerves to finally ask my dad (he used to be a medic) if when grandpa was squeezing my hand off and on while we were there...if it was truly him doing it...or was he too sedated and just his body reacting...and I he said that it was him...he was sedated, but was definitely aware...and I wanted to believe that cause I would do the 3 squeezes to say I LOVE YOU....and he would give a long solid squeeze back. The next morning we got the call that he has died. When we went to go see him...it was kinda wacky...cause his face looked how it looked in pics back in the day when he was like 18! it was so weird.
Anyways, I write this long blog and put this out there because after 3+ yrs. I am finally dealing with his death...loosing two major people in my life so close...Cupie first (my cornerstone in a lot of ways)...then Grandpa Chuck...well, we all mourn in different ways...and sometimes I just saturate myself in work and other things and don't face the hurt and loss that is right in front of me.
Sooooo cheers to me...dealing with the loss and to getting that pic from my grandma that my grandpa had of he and I in his wallet.
Anyways, I talked to her this last saturday and in the mix of our very random and sporadic topics...she brings up my grandpa Chuck (he has been dead now for 3 yrs...passed away from a very long and heart wrecking battle with cancer). In talking about him, she brought up how she went through his wallet after he passed. She said, "you know annie, he only had 3 pictures in his wallet. A small one of us (the family), one of his mother, and then one of you and him. You were the only one he had a picture of...you two together at your last birthday before he died."
After she said this I felt shocked, awed, and my eyes started to fill with tears. I replied to her, "Grandma, why are you just now telling me this?" She went on to say something, but because I was in shock I didn't even hear what she said. I quickly made up an excuse to get off the phone so I could let go of my emotions.
I got home and just sat in my car and cried. I loved my grandpa very much! In my dad's immediate family he was the only one that I was close with.
Side note...my dad came from a very rough upbringing. Without saying too much, expression of love or saying I love you was not normal in his family. Growing up, my grandpa was very rough on us....I knew he loved me because I was his granddaughter, but it was such a polar opposite relationship of that which I have/had with my other Grandpa.
As, I got older I kinda pulled away from my dad's family...I couldn't take the hurt they caused me...not my grandpa, but then again he never stood up for me...and I got tired of my parents getting upset for me...it just wasn't worth family gatherings with them anymore. After college, I decided that I would start coming around again...slowing entering that world again.
Six years ago, when Grandpa Chuck and Grandma Lou called family dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory down in Tacoma to tell us all the news of Grandpa having cancer...that it was aggressive and he was gonna give it a good fight...I think it clicked in him to be more open with his feelings.
I'll never forget the first intense surgery he had...I went to go see him in the room before surgery and he said to me, "Annie, I am gonna fight this...I wanna see my only granddaughter get married." As much as that was so sweet of him to say and I know he wanted that...I think that will forever haunt me. At least he got to see Josh get married, I guess...and he knew that Hallie was pregnant with Taylor.
Through his long fight with cancer and all the drugs and chemo he was on...it definitely messed with his temperment and personality. It gave it a long hard fight, but in the end...the day we had to go to my grandparents house and get my grandfather ready and carry him down the stairs...getting him all settled in the car for their trip up to Whisler...I knew when he looked out the window...all bundled up...and waving goodbye...that was the last time I saw him alive. My dad, mom, and I all stood there and just cried. 2 days later, we got the call that he was in a coma and they were taking him in an ambulance down to Tacoma General Hospital. When I went to go see him in that state (it was a medically induced coma...he was pretty sedated!) it kinda hurt my heart. We sat with him the whole day and into the night. Holding his hands, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. You could tell he was still feeling the pain.
Awhile ago, I got the nerves to finally ask my dad (he used to be a medic) if when grandpa was squeezing my hand off and on while we were there...if it was truly him doing it...or was he too sedated and just his body reacting...and I he said that it was him...he was sedated, but was definitely aware...and I wanted to believe that cause I would do the 3 squeezes to say I LOVE YOU....and he would give a long solid squeeze back. The next morning we got the call that he has died. When we went to go see him...it was kinda wacky...cause his face looked how it looked in pics back in the day when he was like 18! it was so weird.
Anyways, I write this long blog and put this out there because after 3+ yrs. I am finally dealing with his death...loosing two major people in my life so close...Cupie first (my cornerstone in a lot of ways)...then Grandpa Chuck...well, we all mourn in different ways...and sometimes I just saturate myself in work and other things and don't face the hurt and loss that is right in front of me.
Sooooo cheers to me...dealing with the loss and to getting that pic from my grandma that my grandpa had of he and I in his wallet.
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