I have been writing this, saving it, then thinking about if it needs to be posted...the only hesitation I have is that I DO NOT want it misinterpreted...this in fact is not aimed at anyone...just more of an explanation of where I am in life right now...and in sharing with quite a few people about my social sabbatical and how FREEING it is...I'm spurred to share what I've been doing and what I've been learning.
A few months ago I went to Catalyst in Atlanta which in essence started the season of change. Well, that and a message by Pete Wilson and the theme was "be still"...which if you know me...I am NOT good at laying low and/or being still. I like to go go go...and do do do.
A couple weeks after Catalyst I felt like I needed to do a social sabbatical...yes you read right...a social sabbatical...I know what you are thinking...trust me! ;) BUT I knew I was supposed to...so I pretty much cut out all hanging out with friends except church/youth kids, etc. Which in all honesty, especially with my new comfy pad, was not so hard to do and was so what the Dr. ordered. Believe me, if you are feeling overwhelmed and not like yourself...and you are highly social like me...TAKE A BREAK!!! If friends don't get it...then maybe you need to re-evaluate friendships ;)
**after getting laid-off a few weeks ago I've slowly and still slowly am bringing friends/people back into my life - not to be mean, but I saw some changes in me and I want to make sure I am who I am meant to be - in character & action - I want to be real and raw and have healthy boundaries in friendships and how they affect me**
While walking Folly Beach in Charleston on Thanksgiving (I had my parents walk behind me so they could be all cutesy cutesy with each other) I was praying...trying to understand timing of ALL that was going on the past few months and what I heard and have kept hearing are two things: 1. I am delivering you from all abusive circumstances/relationships (this meaning work, friendships, etc.) 2. watch what I'm (being God) gonna do.
I think the word abusive seems and feels very harsh to say, but I guess other word(s) that could be used are selfish, taken advantage of, and well...used. I think you get my drift here...and please know I am not saying these actions are done on purpose, but sometimes people do it without realizing or this is who they are in nature. And it's true...I have been in a place of that for most of my life (this is not to get anyone's pity WHATSOEVER) I am simply made with a huge heart and the only way I know how to love, work, and play is with all of me and giving more than 100%...(I blame my parents for my overworking reasoning)...which in essence means that without having healthy boundaries...one gets hurt a lot and walked on. Things the Lord is teaching me...in SO MANY WAYS! Another season of refinement, but to a whole new level...which is hard, but with an understanding knowledge that this is so good for me...and an odd underlining joy.
I told this to my good friend Linsey last night...and she just burst into tears. We've been friends for 6 years...and she was so thankful that I am finally seeing how I love so well, but set myself up for hurt and being walked on. Now there are things I am able to stand strong in, but when you get to a certain place in my life...I love and give grace freely when I should instead be strong and stand up for myself.
so much going on in my world...not easy, but so good...some to share and some not. Learning healthy boundaries in loving with all my heart in work, friendships, etc.
I do apologize in the past few weeks if I have hurt anyone's feelings. I acknowledge that when I'm going through a lot I tend to shutdown. I'm trying to take seriously what lessons He is trying to teach me and I wanna make sure to listen & obey. I do not know what is next in my life, but I am excited. It's been such an interesting season of life and God has been so faithful. I am choosing joy and trusting...and um hello, it's Christmas season...and I LOVE me some Christmas goodness!
love you all and I hope you heard my heart in this...I encourage you all to do a social sabbatical. I may do it annually now :)
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