"It is what it is" a phrase you will here me say a lot. Not being passive, but I like to roll with it...it being life. And in some situations there is not a lot you can do...kind of along for the ride. The past 3 months are nothing short of a lot of rolling with it and God has shown Himself nothing short of incredibly faithful. Showing Himself in ways I would have never guessed. I'll save a lot of detail...or details I feel worthy of sharing in another blog.
Admission: I have like 5 blog posts I've been writing and rewriting and writing and rewriting. Lots to say, share, and speak life into...just finding the right way to say things and in the right time.
So in the past few months I have been praying that the Lord open my eyes up to things in me that are not "pretty," things I need to change....if I say something that I should not that He would make it clear (guard my tongue)...not to be afraid to apologize when I am in the wrong (which is not something I struggle with, but there are things I may not see that I should apologize for). Basically I want to see me and my actions through His eyes...to continue to be stretched, molded, and refined into the woman of God and character that He desires.
Be careful what you pray for sometimes, right?! ;)
The struggle between human nature (my human nature) and God's will has truly become more clear and I am widely aware...even in the moment sometimes. It's been crazy and very challenging. To be so raw and true to myself and to others even when they don't think it's a big deal what I am calling myself out for or what not. I have always said I am an open book and yes, that is about 85% true maybe a bit more sometimes..but let's be real...we aren't fully raw and honest...there are things we keep quiet, hide, maybe fudge on a bit.
Last weekend, some things happend...long story short I met up with some friends and I just felt myself being super bratty...I mean, I didn't like me and that barely ever happens ;) haha. I went to bed feeling icky cause I was not being me and didn't really get why I was being that way. The next morning I got a nice little wake up nudge at 6am and had a great convo with the Lord which inevitably ended with me realizing the root of it and how the snowball effect started and ended with me being bratty. Goodness. All that being said....the identifying of the key "issue" and praying/working through to the resolution....maybe resolution is not the right word, but dealing with it to the degree that I can and then getting my eyes back where they belong....on Him.
I told a friend the other day who is going through a bit of the same "ish" I had to deal/wrastle with about a pic I got...it's super simple, but it is what I needed as a reminder.... I was wrapped up in the circumstances and letting "ish" get me down...saddened if you will...when the Lord gently lifted my chin and made the gesture as to say "eyes up here." it was what I needed to realize what I had allowed in to steal my joy and cause me to be sad.
Now don't get me wrong, we have to go through the motions....sadness, anger, joy....the list goes on AND yes there are times we will be bratty and I am far from being an angel, but when it is unnecessary and something you choose to let bring you down....well, I vote you fight to get out of the funk!
Have you ever had moments when you are doing or saying something that you wish you could push pause and stop something from happening?
Do you have moments when there is a game plan, but you know in your gut the game plan needs to change or even to the point of taking yourself out of the game plan?!
Even though this new season of refinement and lessons to be learned is hard and a bit frustrating at times...I am enjoying it! I want to learn my lessons head on. I don't want to go in circles and the Lord try to teach me the same lesson in different ways or even the same ways. I want to learn, grow, and love with eyes wide open.
This it for now...loves to y'all (said in my best southern accent)
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